It's 4 am and I'm still awake. Bleh.  I tried listening to music but I just ended up going through both Noah and the Whale albums I have about 4 times each.  And an Alexi Murdoch album 2 or 3 times.  I played sudoku on my zune until half the battery was gone (which takes a lot of playing). I usually clean my room when I can't sleep but I don't have any place to put the stuff on my desk right now. I want to brush my teeth again. My mouth feels gross. And my face feels gross. But going to the bathroom means waking everyone up.  Food would be nice right now too. Or water. I keep cracking my back every few minutes.  That's one of the best things about not being able to sleep. You lay in your bed for a while then sit up and you can crack your whole spine twice.  It's kinda lonely being awake now.  No one is online. No one is awake to text. The birds are already starting to wake up.  I think too much when I can't sleep. But it's not like normal thinking where there's actually an end to all the thoughts.I just think the same thing over and over about 100 times. It's like a rhythm.  The same words over and over and over exactly the same.  Or I'll start running my dances in my head. But only one little section over and over and over again.  The same with music. Never a full song. Just a few words of it.  It's really annoying and I don't know how to stop it.   I'm not sure why I can't sleep either.  This isn't my usual type of insomnia.  Maybe it's jet lag still? It's been a few days though, I should be back to normal by now.  I'd read my book but I don't want to turn on the lights- they're too bright. I have my laptop on the dimmest setting.  I'm going to Good Will and the Salvation Army tomorrow to find some clothes and shoes but I'll probably be dead by the time we leave.  I'm addicted to minesweeper and sudoku.  I can't stop. I do sudoku while walking. It's bad.  I hear birds.  I want to go outside.  I went driving yesterday (sunday) and I shouldn't be allowed near other cars for a year or two.  I'm really bad at parking and sometimes I hit the gas pedal instead of the brakes.. But I did see a deer.  Luckily it stayed on the side of the road.  No casualties on my first legal drive.  I think I'll go brush my teeth and stuff. Okay that's much better. I guess I'll try to read since there's nothing left to do and it will kill the repetition.

Single-serving friends

I love airplanes.  The fact that you're forced next to some stranger for hours at a time seems awful until you're actually in the situation.  On the flight from Las Vegas to San Francisco I met a man who was going to his family reunion.  He said at the last reunion they went to the bay to scatter the ashes of a family member.  He works at a Wal-Mart in Vegas and absolutely hates it.  He's treated badly and gets paid very little but he can't leave his job.  He gets put in the position of dealing with problems such as criminals and relationships.  He works well with people so he's able to deal well and ultimately ameliorate the problems.  He was talking to me about human nature with relationships, something I've thought about a lot recently, and how marriage has changed a lot since the 60s.  Marriage used to be solely for survival: reproduction to continue the human race. Arranged marriages.  Now marriage is for love. But, it's easy to love anyone.  You could have a soul-mate that you love but can't marry.  This is why people are having so many affairs- they love multiple people and can't be with them all at once.  Marriage is just for love now. Which is probably why the world is so overpopulated now.
On the flight to Boston I met a woman from Newton who works in the family business of the fishing industry.  I talked to her about colleges for a while and when I told her I play violin and viola she got really excited. She said, "See that man by the window over there? That's my husband.  He makes violins for a living."  She gave me her card and wrote his website on it: http://www.polsteinviolins.com/David_Polstein_Violin_Maker/HOME.html
It's a small world. You never know who you'll end up meeting.

I should stay away from people.  How come every friendship I have I ruin completely?  I can't control the things I say sometimes but if someone says something offending, I'm going to fight back.  I didn't used to do that and maybe that's why people are hating me for it. It's unexpected and they're used to pushing me around. But I'm sick of being pushed around!  I can lose a friend so quickly and so easily. I hate it. If I ever hurt you I didn't do it on purpose. It's just different for me. Gah. Imma leave society for a while. Hike the Appalachian Trail for 7 months. Alone. I won't hurt anyone or ruin any relationships. Sorry.