December 20, 2010

I'm gonna develop an eating disorder.
I've had a serious sensitivity to certain foods lately. Mostly vegetables and tree nuts.  The thought of them makes me gag and sometimes vomit.  Carrots and cashews are the worst (this is so hard to blog without vomiting) but today they were especially awful.  This morning I was talking about tree nut allergies and I was getting dizzy and hot and I got to my first period class (music theory) and sat on the ground in front of the door because it was locked.  My mouth started watering like I was going to puke and I didn't have anywhere to go.  I asked Nerbonne for a pass to the nurse and he told me to write one but that was pushing it over the edge. While I was writing I had to keep swallowing down vomit.  I got to the nurse and I think it had passed so I just rested a little bit and went back to class but all day I was getting nauseous.  I think for the most part it's because I'm getting really sick...  My mom tried to give me carrots at dinner and I started gagging and basically yelled for her to get them away from me. I couldn't even look at them.

It all started last night. The sick part of everything.  I kept drinking water but my throat was still all blehhh and sticky and you know. I woke up almost every hour.  But then I had a dream I was walking down the street with my dad and I started feeling awful so I ran to the sewer and threw up in it but then the police came and arrested me for polluting the water supply. Fun stuff.

December 19, 2010

I missed yoga. I missed exercise in general. I missed how it makes my muscles feel and how much energy it gives me.  I think I'll try to be vegan again...or at least eat more raw.  I tried to go running today but I haven't been running outside in a loooong time.  Especially not in 20 degree weather. My body is so not used to it.  BUT on my way back I found an eye patch, a magic wand silly band, and a sparkly marble.  I gave them to my sister.

I was thinking back to fourth grade today.  My teacher still sends me christmas cards.  She was my favorite teacher.  She's retired now and her husband recently passed away.  Back in fourth grade she had a piano and a guitar in her room. Penelope the Piano and George the Guitar.  She's the reason I'm so into music now.  My favorite song we sang was Down on the Corner by Creedence Clearwater Revival. Early exposure to CCR. I still know the words when it comes on the radio.  In our fourth grade play, We the People, I had to play the Statue of Liberty because I was the tallest girl.  I had to sing a solo too. Boy, was that interesting hahahaha.

End of that rant.  Next rant: yearbook superlatives.  They were supposed to have 4 people for most musical so it was Oleg, Conner, Brenna, and me.  But the stupid yearbook lady cut it down to 2 people AFTER all four of us had found out.  So now it's just Brenna and Oleg.  I'm so angry.  Brenna and I tried talking to someone about getting all four of us in but the yearbook lady is stubborn and stupid. It's not like it costs any more to put 4 people in. Gah this whole situation makes me so mad.  I told my mom when I found out and she was so proud of me and then I had to tell her I'm not in it anymore. eksdfhvnlckaejsdfhvncjk. What a downer. What a morale crusher. I mean, Brenna only sings.  I'm being really selfish and narcissistic but this is a blog, that's what I'm supposed to do, eh? Brenna sings, I play like 7 instruments proficiently. I don't even know if Brenna can play any instruments.  Vocalists can barely read music too. Generalization there but oh well. Ugh. Ughughughughughugh. I guess there's nothing I can do about it now except accept the fact that Brenna is more popular to begin with so people just voted for her because they didn't know who else to vote for.  I shouldn't be getting so worked up about this situation. It's just a stupid yearbook thing. I just think it's unfair that all four of us found out and two had to be kicked out of it. No parting gift either. Just a nice slap in the face by reality, saying "suck it, you narcissistic bitch." Cool.

December 16, 2010

Today was the most stressful day I've had in a loooong time.
2:30- piano lesson
3:00- get instruments together
4:00- rehearsal
4:30- find/chase down pizza guy
4:45- sprint around school still looking for pizza guy
5:15- find pizza guy, get trampled by hungry students
5:30- change into uniform, grab viola
5:40- take string orchestra picture
5:50- grab violin, take chamber orchestra picture
6:00- rehearse with concert chorus, playing guitar
6:15- find officers, pack up/unpack instruments
6:30- set up chairs and stands, memorize seating
6:45- start stressing out, wonder where to put instruments backstage
7:00- more rehearsal/warm ups/break down during scales and  cry all over violin from stress
7:20- go into auditorium
7:30- play guitar for concert chorus (i've only played guitar for a few months..)
7:35- run backstage, grab viola and violin and tuner, run back on stage to set up chairs again
7:45/50ish-play with string orchestra, grab violin
8:00ish- dump viola, play with chamber orchestra
8:10ish- throw violin down, set up chairs AGAIN
8:15ish- play with full orchestra
8:25ish- play with symphony orchestra
8:35ish- push chairs and stands back, ditch instruments backstage
8:40ish- watch other groups from audience and try to calm down
9:10- eat food, clam down more
I'm breaking out in hives and around 7 my pulse was at 110 bpm. great night. I think I played alright....

I thought I was gonna pass out or die or something. Dmilz was very concerned.  When he asked me if I needed to go get a drink and calm down was when I really broke down.  I stuck it out though. I did what I needed to do, I guess that's the beset I can do.  No more music for a while now.  I have string long tomorrow so that means food and a movie. gzfjergsvnm calm. breathe.

December 12, 2010

Do you believe in reincarnation?

December 6, 2010

I'm convinced dragons were real.

December 4, 2010

Anxiety is terrible!