another boring post about music.

I don't have much to say lately. Things are normal I guess (as normal as they can be) and I'm fine with that. I'm getting kind of bored though. I taught a viola lesson today. Not by choice..it was forced upon me by D-Milz when I was trying to practice but I can't really complain. The girl was a freshman and she was really sweet. I think it was harder for me on viola because I could barely read the music but she was just beginning so the songs were extremely easy. D-Milz came in to check about every 15 minutes (we were there for almost an hour) and we had made a lot more progress than he had expected. He told us to work on one page of her book and move onto the next if she could and we ended up doing 4 pages. It's really rewarding to noticeably see someone improve just because you put a few minutes of your time into helping them. She was about 5 times better after that lesson. I'm really considering giving lessons as a job. I've wanted to for a while but I never had time. [if anyone knows of beginners/intermediates who want lessons, let me know pleaseeeee!] My friend Tom got his first paying gig today. I'm so proud of him! haha. He's playing at a church on Easter. Next year I hope he can play weddings with me since Chris will be in college. Mrs. Clark (Emma's mom, if you know her) told me that if I have a permanent group together to play weddings, I could get a gig almost every weekend and get a lot more money than I could get from an ordinary job.

I keep having weird dreams. Imma post 'em so you can read them if you really want to. It's weird how when you're telling someone your dreams you remember dreams you had a long time ago that you had forgotten the second you woke up. It's like you're tapping into that part of your brain that remembers dreams. Sometimes I can't remember when I had the dream. If it was that night or years ago. Right now I just remembered a dream I had about a year ago but I don't remember enough to tell it. Something with looking for shells on this dirty beach and you couldn't get caught in the waves because the water was acid (there was a huge factory across from the shore that was making the sky all black and polluting the water). Well, heres my dream from last night.

Part 1

My cousins and I were in my grandma's house (which wasn't really my grandmas house) and we had to hide from something (I think it was the parents). So we were all trying to find places to hide and I went into a bedroom and found a latch with pull down stairs on the ceiling. I opened it but instead of stairs there was a sheet attached, holding it up. Somehow I managed to climb through and, with the help of my cousin, pull the door back up. I was in this weird attic thing and I found some stairs that I could hide under. We kept get younger and younger so the younger we got, the more places we could hide.

Part 2

I was camping out by this swamp that was about waist deep and one day I decided to go for a swim. It was covered in that green slime you see on swamps and the sides were all mossy and gross. I don't know why I was swimming there because when I got halfway out I started to get really scared and disgusted from being out there. I had a backpack on and I was swimming in my dress with the teddy bears that I used to wear all the time when I was little. As I started to turn around I dropped everything out of my back pack and only had time to pick up two of the three things. I left my school binder because it fell so far away. This binder had all of my school stuff in it and it was sinking to the bottom of the swamp. I knew I could have swam back to get it but I was afraid something under the green slime would attack me. I got out and ran to my mom to tell her that I left my binder there. She told me i would need chest waders (google them if you don't know what they are) to be able to go back out there. So a day later we were at home and I had to go around to people in my neighborhood asking if they had any chest waders (although I kept calling them galoshes). So I went next door and asked this group of elderly people if they had any galoshes and one old woman who was clearly not comprehending anything I said gave me a handful of pink pills and said "galoshes." I told her they weren't galoshes and handed them back to her. She wouldn't take them though. She kept forcing them back in my hand saying "galoshes." I finally gave up and pocketed them. Another old man didn't know what galoshes were but handed me a few lit matches. I went back through the woods to my house knowing that it was probably hopeless to go look for it because the paper would have probably disintegrated by now.

Part 3

A ton of older people and I were sent on a mission to this strange planet and our part of the mission was completely random. We got on this boat and they sent about 5 of, us including me, down into this little pod/submarine thing. This guy was driving it and we were sent to where these alien monster killing machines were. We had to kill them all off but they were vicious and you couldn't hide from them. If they found you hiding they'd kill you and eat you. I was one of the only people left and I knew I couldn't kill them myself so I went down inside their ship and I found the pod thing and (while the aliens were chasing me) got back in. The driver was sleeping and I thought he was dead so I shook him and he woke up and drove us out of there. The end.

My name is Mackenzie. I am an addict.

I'm addicted to playing violin. You'd probably say it's good but here are the down sides:
-carpal tunnel syndrome
-insane back problems
-inability to move my neck for 10 minutes after I play
-calloused fingertips
-painful fingertips
-hand cramps
-forearm cramps
-shoulder problems
-eye problems from staring at the music
-lack of motivation for other things

I've been staying after school almost every day to practice and then I practice more when I get home. Despite all the pain, I keep playing. I can't stop...
I've played trough Chaconne at least 6 times today. It's a 20 minute long piece. That's two hours of just that song. I think I'll stop for the night. I've been playing since 3. That's almost 6 hours.

I had a dream about the end of the world. I have vivid and strange dreams when I take naps.

They kept talking on the news about how they were going to blow up the moon. They didn't think that it would effect the earth it all but they weren't sure. They scheduled a time for the missile to launch so the world could see the explosion. I was driving with my dad at the time, past thousands of people waiting and staring up at the sky. I looked up at the moon just in time to see the fiery missile crash into the surface. The moon exploded into a million pieces like a giant firework. I waited for the earth to stop spinning or to shake but nothing happened. My dad drove faster to get to the hotel we were going to so we could be with our friends if something happened. We reached the hotel which was filled with people. It was really run down and people were fitting about 20 to a room. The more frightening part was that before the missile was shot, a group of people started to take over part of the world in case something did happen. They were called the W...something. I don't remember but it started with a W. We were the M..somethings. They dressed in blue and black uniforms and carried large rifles around with them. The hotel had been turned into a concentration camp of sorts. We weren't allowed to sing or enjoy the company of our friends or do anything that they didn't like. In the small bathrooms that we shared there were drawers under the sink. They weren't even wood but little crates 1'x5". Here we could keep our personal belonging and they would be safe from the W people. The women were segregated from the men for most of the time but when the W people left the building we would mix. Guards were stationed in the streets, ready to shoot anyone who tried to escape. While at the hotel I met a few boys who became my best friends. We formulated a plan to try to escape. Every so often a few people who open the front door and try to make a run for it but soon enough the rest of the W force was there and arrested or shot them down. Sometimes there were just bodies lying in the street. It was always dark now. The sun never shone. One day my friends and I went to one of the rooms and down a back hallway and found a way out into the woods. That was the first day the sun came out.

Somebody, anybody, please help me save my friend. I love him too much to not take any action but I don't know what to do.

Even when I'm right, I'm wrong.

Stupid parents. I saw Alice last night with my best friend who I rarely see because she goes to Burncoat so I was really happy all night and so I had so much energy. So I was skipping all around and talking really fast and just being crazy (I'm always like that around her) and I just had a really good night. So last night after she left I got really sick and my stomach killed and it still hurts today (possible stomach bug) and so my dad comes into the room about 15 minutes ago and says "I'm proud of how you're pulling your act together but your mother says you were acting strange last night. Did you take anything?"

NO!! Dammit! I've been clean for at least a month now. Is there something wrong with being happy now? Do you expect me not to be happy and immediately assume I'm on something? I can't win! Even when I'm not depressed and clean they think I'm a terrible child! I hate this. They probably don't even believe me now! Anything I say must be a lie, right? WRONG. Just stop this. It's stupid. I'm clean. Drug test me if you really want to! I don't care because it'll come out negative! dammit.

la de da de da de d-d-d-d-da

Today was a good day. Sort of a day of revelations. I wasn't planning on a good day because of the vocab quiz I had to take in english before school. It went like this:
Mr. Tarmey- Do you have any questions before you take the quiz? Do you want to look over any words or have me check any sentences for context clues? Do you need any help at all?
Me- No, I just looked at the words. I think I'm good.
Tarmey- What did you get on the last quiz?
Me- Uhhh....60.
Tarmey- Are you positive you don't want any help?
Me- No, I got it.
(I take the quiz and pass it in)
Tarmey- I'll grade it right now so you can see how you did.
Me- *Damn. If I failed again he'll ask me why I didn't ask for help.*
Tarmey- 100. You got it!
Me- Yes! Thanks!

...and I skip out of the room smiling. Although I did get a 30 on the last quiz I took so combined with this one my average still went down 5 points...to a 74. Bleh. I have time. I'll get it up...somehow. I wish I didn't suck at critiques.

I had string orchestra first. I love orchestra so much. Even if I hate d-milz I still love orchestra. I have chamber long tomorrow. That's exciting. I played my viola in my lesson today. I really love it. Almost more than violin. The tone is so much richer and it's just a beautiful sounding instrument. I'll still stick with violin but play viola more. I can go further with viola anyway. If I want to join an orchestra the competition for viola is much lower than for violin.

I haven't showered in 4 days. And I don't really care. I washed my hair in the sink with baking soda last night and threw a bandanna on this morning as a headband. Surprisingly a lot of people complimented me... They were like "Oh you're hair looks nice like that!" Really..because it's a total mess and yeah it's curly because I let it dry while I slept and I'm wearing something in my hair and I have a dread.. Yeah I started making a dread. Just one. It's kinda messy at the moment because it's a baby but it's coming along. I have a bead in it so it looks a little nicer. I think it looks cool..or is gong to look really cool. My parents havent really noticed because I put my hair up or put the bandanna over it but they'll see soon enough. They might not like it but it's not like it's my whole head. and with competition I can easily hide it because it's small.

I took a chem quiz after school and it was really easy. I learned everything last night. Mrs. Paradise didn't think I would be ready to take it but I told her in class and she said she'll make up a quiz for me C: I'm finally understanding school. And doing my homework. It feels nice to be productive. And not have bronchitis (okay well I'm not completely cured but I'm closer to being healthy).

Nathaniel Hawthorne is one of my favorite writers. I've always loved him and now that we're analyzing his work in english I love him even more. Mr. Tarmey's class blows my mind. Although I have a C it's my favorite class. I'll catch up eventually.

There's a trap door somewhere.

I finally got in contact with one of my close friends (although he lives an ocean away) because we had lost touch. And by this I mean he was completely gone from all of my contact lists. Facebook. Skype. deviantART. He wouldn't return my texts or my emails. Finally I found him on dA and I sent him a message asking him why he wouldn't respond. Today he finally responded and we got caught up with each other. He told me the reason he couldn't respond is because his girlfriend won't let him talk to other girls, especially girls who are close to him as I am. He told me that his girlfriend tells him he's the worst thing that ever walked on this planet and how if he leaves her she'll kill herself. She abuses herself and him. His friends know about it but they aren't the kind of people to take action and his parents only know part of the story but know that there is something not right with her. Being a victim in an abusive relationship he has no idea how to get out of it. All I can recall is those videos we watched in health and how similar this is and it scares me so much to see him in this situation. I told him that the only way out it to go to counseling or some kind of relationship therapy or a group. He dropped out of college because she has taken so much out of him. I don't want him to suffer like this. I'm trying all I can to help him. He was supposed to visit this month and I was counting down to it but since he's no longer in school, he can't go on the trip. I don't want his girlfriend to find out that I'm talking to him so I'm only communicating via dA messages. He's one of the greatest, most caring and compassionate friends that anyone could have and that's probably why he's in this situation. He doesn't even love her now. In fact he hates her but he still could never see her get hurt. He wants help for her. If anyone can give me advice on how to handle this situation, please please please help me! I don't want to lose my best friend.

The times they are a changin'

Time for another lifestyle change.
I'm reducing the amount of chemicals that go on and into my body to an all time low. I've been using natural products and eating unprocessed food. I cut back my showers to every other day and I use cornmeal and baking soda to wash my hair and face for a dry shower. Baking soda is a great deodorant too. Lemon juice clears up acne. I stopped wearing makeup besides stage makeup for competition. I stopped using hairspray and hair products (again, with the exception of competitions). I might even go vegan again and I probably should because some of the things I eat now keep making me sick. Right now I have bronchitis so I've been using honey and horehound for my cough. Besides my prescribed medications, I'm not going to take any kind of pill. There are always natural alternatives.

For anyone who actually read through that:
I'm sorry for boring you to death.

So long, Marianne

I'm dying.
Anyone care to donate a lung?

I have some sort of lung infection/mysterious coughing disease. It's kinda really painful. My lungs feel like they're filled with needles and bees. Very pleasant.

Now I have tons of makeup work and I can't even focus in school to do classwork because breathing hurts and then i start having coughing fits and I probably shouldn't be going to school.

Blehhhhh.

Well the competition went well. One of our dances won first place overall so it's gunna be on the website for the competition. That's cool I guess. Except now everyone can see me kick this other girl on my team in the head.